The Dilemma Of Being A Caregiver

It's been a long time since I'v written in this blog but I thought that maybe it was time to re visit it.

I recently found myself in the role of sole caregiver to someone who had a great need. Congestive heart failure is a scary and difficult thing to deal with, not only for the person who is ill but for the one who is caring for that person as well. This post is about caregivers and the lack of community help available to those people.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are many services available to sick and housebound people in need. Many not for profit organizations provide help for the housebound and ill but, no one seems to be there for the caregiver. Being the sole caregiver is tough. Really tough. Especially for those few of us who done't drive. And even more especially so, I discovered, in rural communities. There are programs for caregivers in the major cities here in Nova Scotia but if you're in a small town, as I was, there seems to be far less help. That's beyond unfortunate. Caregivers, and there are many everywhere, need to have an out. Someone, or some place they can go to unwind and relieve some of the stress. I really don't know what that would be for others but I know that for me, it would not have been all that difficult. Or is it? Is it too much trouble to drive me to a park for an hour, go back and sit with the person in need of attention then return to pick me up. Good mental health is a very important part of recovery for a patient in need of a caregiver. Good mental health is almost equally (if not equally) important to the caregiver. I know. I saw the result of my being indoors for almost a month straight, and the toll it took on both me and my patient. So much so that, one day, that stress became too much and I took it out on my patient. That's not good. That's not good at all.

In the city, there are avenues available (to those who have transportation) to support groups for just this sort of thing. The problem here is that even a support group can be difficult when you don't have transportation. Logically, I know that something as simple as going for a walk is beneficial to someone who can't get out otherwise. A support group is probably an even better idea. That being said, it's so much easier said than done. Being the sole caregiver is tiring, stressful work. Sleepless nights and long, stress filled days take their toll on both body and mind. One day in particular, I had a bad day. My patient said something that was unkind. Under normal circumstances, I would probably have been able to let it go. These were not normal circumstances. I blew up. Not my best moment, but there it is. Stress took over and I did something I shouldn't have done. I followed that with something worse. I was so angry that I stormed out of the house. I was smart enough to know that I needed to get out, but too stressed to be alone (apparently). I walked about 4 blocks before realizing where I was and that I had crossed three intersections to get here. I had no recollection of getting from point A to point B. That's just not good. It's most definitely not safe and I realize that I was very lucky to have gotten to where I was in one piece. That's what stress does. That's downright dangerous. It was this incident that made me really question the role of the community toward the caregiver. As I said, there were things available to my patient, (though I had to dig pretty hard to find them) but they were there. I finally decided that I needed to take better care of myself and set about trying to do so. It wasn't to be. At least not in the town of Truro. I discovered support groups in Dartmouth (approximately 100 kms. away) but even those would have required bus rides from where I live. It was terribly frustrating. I knew that even if I were in Dartmouth, I was simply too tired to get on a couple of buses to get myself to a support group. Is that really so hard to understand? I didn't think it should be, but I suppose I am biased.

So, what's the answer? Is there simply not enough money in the province to help caregivers? Why is there money for support in the city but not in rural areas? It's not as if Truro is a tiny, backwater hamlet that no one has ever heard of. It's a fairly large town that, if nothing else is something of a tourist attraction. People know it's there. Why the dearth of help for caregivers? I truly don't know the answer but I do know that the town of Truro could very well have had another causality on their hands had I been struck by a car while trying to de stress. Sometimes it totally defies logic.

I'm interested in comments and thoughts that others may have on this subject. I called just about everyone I could think of (believe me, that meant many phone calls) in an effort to get some help for myself. It doesn't exist. There is some support in the cities, but if you're unfortunate enough to be outside the city, you're on your own. That's not good news for caregivers or the people they are caring for. One full month of getting out once a week for groceries is simply not enough to balance care giving and good mental health. It also takes a toll on the person receiving the care. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been, no matter how hard I tried to hide it, to watch me every day become more and more stressed. That in itself would be stressful for a patient.

I have no answers. I've looked and looked hard, but there just doesn't seem to be anything available for caregivers. I see this as a danger. How many care givers have had breakdowns because they've had no stress relief? How many care givers simply give up and walk away, because there is no relief for them? These are honest questions. Questions to which there is probably no answer but valid questions just the same.

Watching someone you love fade daily is probably the worst thing any human being can go through. I know. I nursed my mother to her death when I was in my thirties. Now, as a much older person, I discovered that it is no easier. In fact, because of my age, I think I tire more easily and that adds stress.

In my oh so very humble opinion, providing care for caregivers is almost as essential as providing care for the person who is ill. After all, if the sole caregiver burns out, where does that leave the patient?

Thoughts to ponder.

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